little more thought into this and i understood that
i had always assumed core/infra blockchain dev as too complex and hard; hence avoided even looking at it
and solely kept myself around dapp dev / linking contracts with frontend
( youtube effect / echo chamber )
i constantly felt gaps in my knowledge because of that and felt like i was dumber than the people i was talking to who actually understood what was going on under the hood.
sounds stupid but i was cock blocking myself from what i actually wanted to do thinking it was too hard to pull lmao 💀
regardless, diving deeper into core working and fundamentals of blockchain and crypto reignited the fire and is answering those questions