My realization about my insecurities: I get bothered when my partner doesn’t protect our relationship from turning adversarial. Even though I don’t intend to harm him, my subconscious doubts the existence of persistent allies. When I see his relaxed attitude towards possible betrayals, my subconscious interprets it as him being ready to curbstomp me. Reassurances of being on my side don’t help; his calmness looks like a potential threat. Like he’s hinting at a power dynamic that I’d be outmatched if he stops supporting me, a claim which I don’t totally buy but lingers in the background, unaddressed and unchallenged. That’s a problem.
Stream of consciousness for Mel aka hamnox. May contain higher concentrations of music lyrics than healthy.