Decently busy day today. Woke up late on account of sleeping late last night. Skipped breakfast. Made coffee just before heading out to drive to school at 1:10. Camera, backpack, water bottle. Bought some lunch at the dining hall, microwaved my coffee, headed out and took a seat. Garlic bread was very hard but I got it down anyway. Watched a couple episodes of The Nanny, both in season 1. Danny proposes to Fran, in the first episode I watched. Fran and Gracie go to a mother-daughter pageant, Fran subbing in for the late Sarah Sheffield, in the second episode. Some guy came up to me and asked the time and asked for a dollar, but one look at his face and I was transported to last year when this same man asked me for two dollars in approximately the same area and practically sprinted off. I responded very coldly, that it was 3pm, packed up, and left. I took a walk around campus for half an hour. Didn’t take many photos but I was so jarred by the incident. Checked out the Media and Learning Center for a few minutes, then went outside again. Came around back to the ATC, sat down at the chair near the door, and worked on a reading response for my public speaking class. Read up a bit on the Fellow Opus and some user reports on it, and then headed up to Python class upstairs. Mentally checked out 15 minutes into class, about modules and strings, class ended early at 6:40, and I headed out. Drove home, had some dinner – stir fried green string beans and shrimp, and on choy soup. Very good. Had a couple tangerines for dessert and worked on the UC application. No responses from friend group Discord. Got more and more irritated trying to answer the last prompt (which was actually two, since I wanted to draft as much as possible) and I went digging through my children-of-night channel and my commonplace book and my other writing notes and I decided, fuck it, I’m writing about my conviction for the future. But I just feel so angry that these “personal insight” questions have been anything but insightful, have been anything but intuitive. I don’t think I’m that unaccomplished. But their framing – I checked with Bing on this – is asking me to compare and evaluate myself and it’s like, who the fuck do I even compare myself to? That hypothetical bland average transfer applicant with a 3.4 GPA and two extracurriculars beat me out yesterday. I don’t hate many things but I hate having to evaluate myself on a rubric that doesn’t exist.
"[Growing up] is hard and nobody understands." // https://www.homestuck.com/story/2391