#coredump
Been fighting off a cold since Friday. Technically Thursday, since the sore throat started there. No sore throat today, Sunday, but a good amount of sniffling. Well, that's how it goes. Took a printed DSAT yesterday Saturday and napped for a good 1-2 hours right after.
Rehearsing visual internal representations as "daily exercise" for the mind — how to build a practice of visualizing, recalling, and loading my working memory? The boredom/delight of SAT English practice, and entering the frame of the text, making mini-summaries as you go — a major clue here? Trying to read SCOTUS decisions, or Congressional legislature, a little bit a day? Reviewing UCSC photos and trying to remember daily pathways through campus? Resisting passive perceptual flow with depth of processing.
Open question: What happened to my Zotero/Helios zettelkasten practice? If EFA is a new chapter of the self-led learning, how do I nurture that in light of current time constraints? I don't want to make PEL my anchor — maybe rebuild solid daily life routines that compartmentalize it as "just" another activity in the day? De-saliencing the work.
Strange feeling of being disconnected from my sex/sexuality following the return home. With 2 days left of summer, that disconnect just seems obvious to me now. Such a strange change from my teenage self, who took the imagined boyfriend as a lodestone through the blooming rage/grief/glee, or the feather on Anubis' scale. Probably the me in 2023 as well — Ladon and Orange, and Clods. I never really found "my guy" at UCSC. (The "fuckucsc" Instagram page had a nice post that summed my thoughts/feelings on this nicely.) Alex comes close, but still not quite. It's harder to think about him now, Alex and whoever is next.