Woke up early, grabbed my breakfast sandwich from the fridge, drove to East Remote and walked up the hill to Stevenson to meet with Dr. Chacón in his office hours. He gave me a great crash course on MEG, and the tension between universals and variables (cf. principles and parameters) in formal syntax and psycho/neurolinguistics. Chatted with Hailey and her new friend, Clarisse, and stopped by the CaT Lab after to unwind and prep for next class. MatLab was OK, and our group figured out the study design with some help from Dr. Davidenko and Ashley. Brainwaves seminar was great and I feel much more ready to work on the Discussion segment after this marathon/battle of an Intro segment this past week. "Write what you need, not what you want" applies to this research proposal as well it does fiction, I suppose. Swung by the CaT Lab again to have a couple of snacks and do the first hour of this week's DataVyu for in-vivo codes and interpretation. In a way it was kind of relaxing, because the interviewer for the G7 interview was a bit dry, and G7 himself seems to be a man who just happens to be transgender. To me, Fox's DataVyu last week was electric and rich, but also destabilizing to me personally. What if I transitioned? The destabilizing part is that when I actually see that mental picture of me as a woman, I don't feel any happier or think my life or relations would be all that different; and I remember the tailspin of my high school crush on Richard L. and my parasocial online crush on ... well, you know the one. (And, of course, there's the actually-finding-a-partner issue. Apparently the quality of gay men's characters and relation to the culture far surpasses that of straight men. And to think I'd have to change myself for a downgrade? Yeuck.) For now, my current adage for my gender is: I am my mother's daughter as much as I am my father's son. I know my birthright, and it simply cannot be fit into a Western binary.
"[Growing up] is hard and nobody understands." // https://www.homestuck.com/story/2391