#computer
Woke up a little later than I wanted today, around 9:05. Had a decently sized breakfast and spent the late morning and afternoon working on my additional phase of my group project and studying for my cognitive neuroscience midterm tomorrow. Coffee immediately after getting back up. Made some hojicha as well. (The lower brewing temps really save these brews.)
Writing this out I get angrier and angrier — my forgiveness for my groupmates doing the bare minimum of mocking up slides and bits of a first draft and adding a few words into the essay has clouded my own communication to my professor. I could've spared myself the time and energy and effort of today and all the weekends this quarter doing my part, and only my part, rather than doing the bulk of the projects — time and energy and effort that could've been spent knocking out my midterms (which I eventually would have done, but less confidently) — why do I waste my intelligence and skill on mostly dead weight? Why do I allow myself to waste these abilities? Why do I sacrifice the time and energy and attention I need to search for off-campus housing and working on my slipbox and applying for internships? I hate I give up my efforts, and time, and care, and attention, and devotion so easily — as if I could not give it to myself and my future — seize this collectivist spark and put it into my cells. Here is my ultimatum to myself: Talk to CMPM 80H professor about my slacking groupmates, or fail my standards for well knowing my forgiveness clouded my ambitions. This is all dramatic, I'm sure, but necessary to write. I need all the scaffolding for my little energies I can get.
So the rest of the day unwinds from there. Talked to Sasha about my slacking groupmates and they recommended I talk to my professor ASAP. Did some more review for my cogneuro midterm, and then headed down outside to the benches outside Porter C, half-waiting for Richard to come. He arrived around 5:55 and we headed in for dinner. Porter had Asian pork ribs. Yum. Talked for an hour and a half after dinner about school stuff, and some long-term plans. Headed back up, did some more studying, watched a few more episodes of Neon Genesis Evangelion, had some more snacks and some more Earl Gray tea. Had a nighttime nap because I was so exhausted. Woke up, blanked out my mind for a couple quiet (but wholly necessary) minutes, started wrapping up my computer activity.