Currently at a stupid Hitchcock Lounge event of drink presentations with the same-ish cluster of people and it is SO rowdy. Getting real sick of their dynamic. Sasha is crossed -- possibly sobering up now -- Dharmesh didn't respond to my correction this morning saying I'd be available for tea after 1:30. I must look so unhappy right now, sitting down with my right leg crossed over my knee, my face frozen like stone.
But the social blunders aren't everything. I talked to Rafael at breakfast today, and though the conversation tapered off near the end, I didn't feel particularly pressed or anxious.
Clearly I react strangely -- dramatically -- excessively -- with social blunders, magnifying them even though the social wins have a very cooling and very resonant effect. Possibly I will have to make more neutral notes of these interactions; to let the emotion glide away like clouds in autumn or spring; to count them more with numbers than emotions.
Anxiety around internships and jobs and off-campus housing remains but I did check Handshake today. Tomorrow I will probably revise my LinkedIn.
I am learning to imagine visualize the future. Possibly I will even start block scheduling again.
I remember this now:
"Are you graduating this year?" Michelle asked me at Big Sur.
"Next year," I responded.
"You've still got time," she said.
I am writing this out to remember.