It reminded me of the lack of ambition that I immediately felt after I transferred and I still feel it today. It's not slacking because all the courses have some amount of busywork. It's just a lack of clear drive that you would expect from the other UCs, to be honest. I think what really put it in perspective for me was that Sasha's parents are essentially paying all out of pocket, about $75,000 this school year whereas at the CSUs it would be more like $25,000 for two years. We headed down to the Hitchcock Lounge to help them prep for the surprise party and I got to talking about my own experiences with the cognitive science major and I corroborated the lack of serious rigor in my classes as well, at least ones I've taken so far. We cut up the flowers and helped decorate and I got to talking about my therapy breakthroughs and my re-realization I was suppressed and really didn't know who I was or what I wanted. A collectivist culture leaves it's mark on you, and I feel like I slipped into self-conformity even though I was in a new place where I could be anything but conforming. Sasha reassured me that I didn't seem like an empty and apathetic person, only that I was lost and searching for something, which I agreed and was hopeful about. This was a very deep conversation. We kept talking and waiting for Keanna with the rest of the other Hitchcock Lounge people and around 8:30, we finally surprised Keanna. We had some cake and got some Taco Bell through DoorDash. Sasha, Shruti, Ava, Dharmesh, Rafael, and Mani wound up playing some kind of volleyball with the balloon. I sat by and took some photos, and even a video on my smartphone. Food came and we continued to unwind. Around 10:30 Shruti suggested I play cards with Micah, Celeste, Sophia, Amelia, Mani, Mohammad, Marinna, and Joey and his date. I was doubtful at first but ventured over and sat next to Micah, first watching their practice round of Cambio and then joining in. I won! Later we played three or four rounds of Go Fish and a couple rounds of Blackjack, and before I knew it, it was 12:05. I packed up and said bye, and they waved goodbye as well. I got back to dorm soon after and Sasha came up from laundry and we tucked in for bed. What a day.
"[Growing up] is hard and nobody understands." // https://www.homestuck.com/story/2391