I need an epiphany. Woke up a little later than anticipated, around 8:30. Didn't feel as perked up as I did at the beginning of this week, or late last week. Could be lingering tiredness from the day prior. Didn't really search for breakfast. Had some trail mix and a few Triscuits and did a little work for an hour or so. Made two cups of coffee from the Verve blend, Hoffman style, which took a bit longer, but tasted great.
Went downtown with Shruti to get some late brunch. We talked a good bit about psychology and the philosophy behind it which really made me perk up. We stopped by Zoccoli's. I got a roast beef with coleslaw sandwich for myself and a chicken pesto for Sasha. Shruti got a veggie sandwich with mushrooms. Their sandwich honestly looked a little better than mine. We swung by Verve Coffee. I got an iced pour over which was, unfortunately, not as strong as I had liked (or the coffee I had brewed was stronger for my taste) and we headed back to campus. We wanted to check out the Holy Trinity of Divine Church, but my parking time of an hour was running out and Shruti wasn't feeling too well that afternoon even with food. I'll tell you, the stairs up through Oakes and Rachel Carson in that 75 F weather were not pleasant. And it felt like it got warmer as we approached Porter.
I spent from 1:30 to 3:00 working on our storyboard. I think I've got all the requisite pieces together. I'll finish it tomorrow morning, as soon as I can. Had Psycholinguistics over Zoom per the strike, and our other TA, Jajaira, was the guest lecturer. She was alright. A bit more engaging than (sweet, dear, slightly lamentably laid-back) Nathan Caines. I did some more work another hour after that. Shruti came back to dorm to get some things and then headed out at 5:30 to go roller-skating with Ava, Keanna, and more from the Porter Instagram group.
Drove downtown again this time with Sasha to get some dinner. We stopped by Nick the Greek. Sasha got a chicken gyro wrap and a side salad and I just got a feta side salad. We booked it back up to campus ASAP -- we were starving. The feta in my cucumber tomato red onion salad was quite salty so I split half with Sasha. Shruti came back an hour later -- this must be 8:30 now -- and got settled in. A couple hours later we figured out from the group chat and word of mouth that Joey had drinks again. Shruti went up first around 10:30 and me and Sasha went up around 10:45. We stopped by Keanna's room for some arts and crafts with Ava and others and half a shot and then went to Joey's room. This is where things go sour. They were playing the drinking board game again, and Micah left just a few minutes after we got in, and the room felt really stuffy with my jacket on even with the fan on as well. Sasha and Shruti went up to the top bunk with Amelia and I couldn't see or find any extra space there so I just weighed the situation and left. Sasha, bless them, asked me if I were doing alright. I should've said "no", clipped and frustrated and dog tired as I truly felt then. Instead I politely said I felt really warm and I lost track of time. And I did. It was already 11:35, and my eyelids definitely felt heavier and my vision blurrier. And so I left and took the elevator down to Floor 2 and marveled at the speed of descent and got ready for bed and couldn't fill up the hollowness and looked at myself in the mirror, the little traces of sunscreen left on my face from this morning before my initial drive with Shruti, and wondered if this was the last time I would see myself this way -- flat and a bit sad and a bit hollow and a bit of texture to my skin -- wondered what would happen if I gave into the impulsiveness tomorrow and went to the Holy Trinity of Divine Church and got a dose of their mushroom sacrament and took it back up and went into the forest and took it and walked and saw with inner eyes all the cracks and disconnection in me. I could do it. God, I could do it. It's the most likely desire I would actually execute tomorrow. Tell me it's the right thing. I need an epiphany.