Slow day today but my head is clear, all from morning to now. It seems like stress really compromises my mind. Slept in, woke up teary. Kind of skipped breakfast and nearly skipped lunch, settled for a mayo siracha chicken onion lettuce sandwich on a bagel. Had a call about an upcoming appointment to get my wisdom teeth checked. Had coffee soon after since it was so late, around 1:05, coffee tasted alright but needed a little extra water after since it was a bit strong, 18g and 300ml, five pours again. Will try double filters tomorrow. Didn't do much homework, mainly just read Pale Fire and checked out my Zotero and other papers. Kind of ironic the day that OneTab drops my followup research tab group (700 tabs!) I hammer down like 3 different lines of thinking. Assimilated three or four index cards that have been in my "scratch deck" (no alphanumeric code or indexing, said code is actually needed for indexing) for almost a year now. They were on large language models, mainly the qualitative aspects. Around 4:05 my brother bugged/asked me to go to Smart and Final nearby, I obliged, got some French bread, he got kombucha and a pack of protein bars, I paid. I was fairly annoyed but I think that's just because driving on a whim is so alien to me -- I never do it, I dislike driving for the sake of driving (though of course I do need to explore San Jose, so I will need to better familiarize myself with driving; incidentally my car sounds quite smoother since my oil change, which is saying something since it's winter and car engines are generally louder on account of that). I think it was a couple hours after we came home, it was a quick trip, that I was really chewing up a paper on the slipbox, Paper as Passion, I think, that I noticed just how much more open my mind felt, how much easier it felt to remember, how light it was to read a quote or a passage and immediately be reminded of another quote from a webpage or a book. I did feel that last weekend but it was slower, heavier, weighed down. And how quickly I typed in the margins and highlights! I felt at home again in my mind.
"[Growing up] is hard and nobody understands." // https://www.homestuck.com/story/2391