January 20th 2024. More slipbox. Anthropology, culture. Did a bit of programming work. Slow but sure. Will finish tomorrow. Skipped breakfast. Had half a sesame bagel. Coffee later, 18g and 350g. Was that right? The ratio is off, now that I think about it. Harder to think today. Gray today, rained. Videos. Music. Dropped off and picked up brother from his friends house at 1 and 7pm. Ate an orange. This is out of order. Did some anthropology vocabulary, in Anki, wrote it and quizzed it, recall like I'm trying to teach the material. Working memory felt halved, on account of sleeping so late last night and waking up earlier today. Need a hug. Need a warmer climate. Fretted over overusing my language network compared to my other domain general networks, briefly, but I use all my networks, I'm sure. I just wish I could connect my multiple demand and language networks together. Double dissociable apparently. Psychedelics may help in that regard. I feel as though I am petrifying from the outside, the skin of my inner self swirling into granite, the me that is inside the inside, getting colder, crystallized, frigid, slow, fixed. No. That will not be me. Disorder, order. Sprouting connections. An exit on the freeway -- there is always another path. Beef noodle soup for dinner. Savory and delicious. Even the pieces of offal were nicely stewed and tender and soft. The fan in the laundry room, 2 o'clock from me and my desk now, it whirrs. I tried reading a bit of Pale Fire. Rest rest rest rest. But even the sleep is not so restful. I wake up already tired.
"[Growing up] is hard and nobody understands." // https://www.homestuck.com/story/2391