Lately I have been asking myself the wrong question at the end of the day. Each night I wonder "Did I do my best today" in terms of being productive . Most of the days, answer is a resounding no, which makes me feel bad sometimes. But I think the right question to ask is "Do I want to do this again tomorrow?", and I would argue that is a resounding yes. Isn't that the important part ? To not burn out and just keep doing the bit.
Where do I want to reach, what's the finish line towards which I'm racing? There's none. Again I have to remind myself, this is it. This is a good life - studying and tinkering all day long. The anxiety of job search is just a part of life, nothing big. Why worry about giving the best everyday as long as I want to do this all over again the next day. The day I dread waking up and going to the computer is the day alarm bells should start going off.
Haruki Murakami mentions in "What I talk about when I talk about running" that he stops writing each day at a time when he feels he could write more.
Never work to the point where you start hating these holy creative acts. The point is to keep doing them. They are the end, not a means to an end.
Wow, crazy how parent's wealth allows you to be unemployed and wax lyrical about the philosophy of life. But I think I'm not wrong here.